I didn't want to look at The Juice as merely a diet. I wanted it to be a refreshing of my mind, a way to focus my day less on what I was taking in nutritionally and more on what I'm taking in educationally and spiritually. Lately I haven't been. It's been a focus on my diet and my weight.
So I'm going to refocus a bit.
I have to admit, I pretitle these "bonus posts" based on passing thoughts throughout my days and then sit down, pick a topic, research a bit and write about it. Also, as you have probably figured out already, my posts are a day behind. I try to pick the "bonus post" that most represents the tone of the day because it's the easiest to write. And after tomorrow's main post you may see why this was an important one for me today.
When I thought up this topic, and titled it, I was going to pretty much do a brief history lesson on what it meant throughout the years to fast. I was going to use other cultures as well as the Bible to do this. Someday I may write that post. But right now, I'm just going to freewrite this one. So bear with me.
In the documentary, "Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead" Phil Staples uses his faith as a driving force to continue on his fast. While walking on a wooded trail as his daily exercise, he remarks that Jesus had fasted and so had John the Baptist. He liked the footsteps he was following.
Phi lwas sick, as Joe was, with the auto-immune disease Cronic Urticaria . He was desparate, in pain, and he had cut himself off from his family because he felt ashamed of the way he had let himself become so out of shape and ill. But once he started his Juice fast he humbled himself and he never complained. He said things like the above remark. For Phil, this wasn't just about the weight, it wasn't just about getting healthier physically, it was about getting wholy healthy. Emotionally, physically, socially, and spiritually healthy. Just as I had said in my first post that I have been working on doing.
I promised to always be honest and accountable in this blog and to its 5 loyal fans.
I focus on my belly a lot. It's not so much because I so strongly dislike the way I look, but it's that I strongly dislike the way I feel, I dislike the way that larger belly reminds me of the 6 months I decided to check out of life and the following 6 months I had to use only to dig myself out of the hole I had dug for myself.
Mainly, lately, I've been focusing on ME a lot. I've been a selfish. I've ignored phone calls and emails, been persistantly late, been really lacking at seeing how my friends and family are doing in their own lives. Really, I've been lazy.
I suffered a great loss, and I truly hurt for anyone who has experienced tragedy in their own lives, but also, it does no honor to yourself, your God, or your loved ones for you to check out of life. Mourning needs to be done and I'm thankful to be surrounded by people who allowed me that. But at some point it became less about missing my mom and more about not wanting to face this new unfamiliar life that no longer included her. It was easier to let myself be swallowed up by the sadness. It seemed like too large a task to start rebuilding.
This life is always going to be strange without being able to talk to my mom whenever I want to or need to talk to her. I'm always going to miss that. There is a bigger picture out there, though. A life to spend honoring the person she was, the person I want to be, and the people that are in my life now and in the future. Not moving forward and not working toward improving oneself does absolutely nothing for those goals.
This whole blog is titled My Resolution. A lot of people say they don't do resolutions because they're tired of breaking them. I think sometimes the way to stick with something is to look at it a different way. This isn't a diet. This isn't a way to be able to wear a swimsuit at the lake this summer and not feel judged. This is a reset, a refocus, and a new perspective on my life.
My driving point being:: Fasting should not be about the diet, it should not be about the outward appearance, it should be about the commitment and the work that it does on your mind, body and soul inwardly. My pastor's departing message this Sunday was to think about how your life would be if you started every week with the important soulful parts and then continued everything that you did based on how that lesson had worked on your soul. How different would your life be if whatever lesson this week hit your soul the hardest lead the way you looked at every decision the next seven days?
I want to commit myself to looking at this fast in the same way. The lessons I learn while doing this: the trials, the things that it does for my mind body and soul, I want to continue to influence the rest of my life. I want to think this clearly, feel this goal, and be this connected to the things that matter most on this earth for the rest of my days, and I want it to start here, with the lesson that's been hitting my soul the hardest.
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