Me, God, Lady Gaga, and Modest Mouse

All went for a run tonight.

Although that started like a beginning to a bad joke, the only bad joke may be my mile time::

So remember how I said I'm preparing to run the IU Mini Marathon?  I figured I should probably get on that since it's a half-marathon and I'm in no shape to run it yet. 

I meant to do 5 miles tonight, because I figured if I could bump myself up one mile per week, I'll get to my 13.1 in time.  I'm glad that I started out better than 5 miles because Bloomington has a lot of hills that I have to work to master. 

In the devotional Pray Fit that I've mentioned in earlier posts, it encourages the reader/exerciser to do your exercises "to fail".  This means you're doing pushups and you keep doing them until your arms will not push you back off the floor again.  The next day you do the same exercise only you should do at least one more rep of it in less time.  I decided I should use this principle in my run.  So I ran my five miles and then kept going until my legs just wouldn't keep going.  And tomorrow I plan to do at least 6 miles at a better time.

A lot of times when I'm doing something difficult, I mentally make deals with myself.  Like, "okay, you're going to do 5 more minutes on this stationary bike but if 5 minutes is up before a commercial break, you have to keep going until the commercial break."  Silly, I know, but usually if this happens and commercial break comes up, I go, "oh well now you've done 6.7 minutes, you may as well do 10..."

So I loaded my "On-the-Go" playlist with songs that I LOVE.  You know, songs that when they're on the radio when you pull into your driveway you will finish them out before you turn off the car and go inside. (Is that just me?)

So I had things like::

Yoü and I - Lady Gaga

Black Cadillacs - Modest Mouse

And Darling - Tegan and Sara

If It's Love - Train

Kryptonite - 3 Doors Down

Beautiful Mess - Diamond Rio

Serenade No. 13 in G, "Eine Kleine Nachtmusik", K 525 Andante - Mozart Modern

That Time- Regina Spektor

...and etc and etc.

When I had hit 4 miles, "I want you (She's so heavy)- The Beatles" came on and I pictured a darling retro, 50's-esque dress that I saw and loved when I was at the mall with my sister today everytime the song's sultury lyrics sang "I want you...I want you so bad" and then used "She's so heavy" as some negative reinforcement to keep on keeping on with my run.

As soon as that song ended I got off Abbey Road and the soulful rendition of "Let It Be" from Across the Universe played and brought me to a peaceful place.  I started to talk to God until it was time for my body to stop and cool down and walk the rest of the way home.  Earbuds in, iPod off.

One day, in a conversation about being wholly healthy, I told my pastor, Jeremy VanKley and his wife Stacey (who are two amazing people when it comes to spiritual leaders, motivational supporters, and just plain great friends) that a lot of times I run with absolutely no music but my iPod strapped to me and my earbuds in because I'm praying and I don't want anyone interrupting me. 

"God my legs are aching!

Thank you for giving me working legs.

God my heart feels like it's going to burst!

Thank you for giving me a healthy heart.

God I'm sweating a ton!

Thank you for this beautiful night.

God, I feel like I'm going to puke

Thank you for providing me with food to eat."

I'm really not the most formal prayer.  That's why I'm happy to not get singled out to pray in crowds very often.  Me and the Big Guy are cool and he knows my heart, and that's what matters.

Tonight I learned::

If you're feeling bad for yourself

Or if you're giving yourself permission to quit

You are forgetting all that you're blessed with.

Jesus is a friend of mine (in fasting, as well)

I didn't want to look at The Juice as merely a diet.  I wanted it to be a refreshing of my mind, a way to focus my day less on what I was taking in nutritionally and more on what I'm taking in educationally and spiritually.  Lately I haven't been.  It's been a focus on my diet and my weight. 
So I'm going to refocus a bit. 

I have to admit, I pretitle these "bonus posts" based on passing thoughts throughout my days and then sit down, pick a topic, research a bit and write about it.  Also, as you have probably figured out already, my posts are a day behind.  I try to pick the "bonus post" that most represents the tone of the day because it's the easiest to write.  And after tomorrow's main post you may see why this was an important one for me today.

When I thought up this topic, and titled it, I was going to pretty much do a brief history lesson on what it meant throughout the years to fast.  I was going to use other cultures as well as the Bible to do this.  Someday I may write that post.  But right now, I'm just going to freewrite this one.  So bear with me.

In the documentary, "Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead" Phil Staples uses his faith as a driving force to continue on his fast.  While walking on a wooded trail as his daily exercise, he remarks that Jesus had fasted and so had John the Baptist.  He liked the footsteps he was following.

Phi lwas sick, as Joe was, with the auto-immune disease Cronic Urticaria .  He was desparate, in pain, and he had cut himself off from his family because he felt ashamed of the way he had let himself become so out of shape and ill.  But once he started his Juice fast he humbled himself and he never complained.  He said things like the above remark.  For Phil, this wasn't just about the weight, it wasn't just about getting healthier physically, it was about getting wholy healthy.  Emotionally, physically, socially, and spiritually healthy.  Just as I had said in my first post that I have been working on doing.

I promised to always be honest and accountable in this blog and to its 5 loyal fans.

I focus on my belly a lot.  It's not so much because I so strongly dislike the way I look, but it's that I strongly dislike the way I feel, I dislike the way that larger belly reminds me of the 6 months I decided to check out of life and the following 6 months I had to use only to dig myself out of the hole I had dug for myself.

Mainly, lately, I've been focusing on ME a lot.  I've been a selfish.  I've ignored phone calls and emails, been persistantly late, been really lacking at seeing how my friends and family are doing in their own lives.  Really, I've been lazy.

I suffered a great loss, and I truly hurt for anyone who has experienced tragedy in their own lives, but also, it does no honor to yourself, your God, or your loved ones for you to check out of life.  Mourning needs to be done and I'm thankful to be surrounded by people who allowed me that.  But at some point it became less about missing my mom and more about not wanting to face this new unfamiliar life that no longer included her.  It was easier to let myself be swallowed up by the sadness.  It seemed like too large a task to start rebuilding.

This life is always going to be strange without being able to talk to my mom whenever I want to or need to talk to her.  I'm always going to miss that.  There is a bigger picture out there, though.  A life to spend honoring the person she was, the person I want to be, and the people that are in my life now and in the future.  Not moving forward and not working toward improving oneself does absolutely nothing for those goals.

This whole blog is titled My Resolution.  A lot of people say they don't do resolutions because they're tired of breaking them.  I think sometimes the way to stick with something is to look at it a different way.  This isn't a diet.  This isn't a way to be able to wear a swimsuit at the lake this summer and not feel judged.  This is a reset, a refocus, and a new perspective on my life. 


My driving point being::  Fasting should not be about the diet, it should not be about the outward appearance, it should be about the commitment and the work that it does on your mind, body and soul inwardly.  My pastor's departing message this Sunday was to think about how your life would be if you started every week with the important soulful parts and then continued everything that you did based on how that lesson had worked on your soul.  How different would your life be if whatever lesson this week hit your soul the hardest lead the way you looked at every decision the next seven days? 

I want to commit myself to looking at this fast in the same way.  The lessons I learn while doing this: the trials, the things that it does for my mind body and soul, I want to continue to influence the rest of my life.  I want to think this clearly, feel this goal, and be this connected to the things that matter most on this earth for the rest of my days, and I want it to start here, with the lesson that's been hitting my soul the hardest.

Day Five: "Oh my word are you kidding me?!?"

Is exactly what I said on the scale this morning

When I weighed in at 162.2.  A 6 lb weight loss since yesterday.

So when you're dieting, you're told not to step on the scale more than once a week.  I know because I've been putting my chubby self on diets since I was ten (despite my parents' disapproval).  But with this I told myself that, "It's so extreme that if it works you should have the little victories to keep you going."  And also, if anyone is considering this (I know there's at least a few people using me as their guinea pig) it'd probably be good for them to see daily victories too.

    Six pounds is pretty fantastic but I have to admit, I hope it slows down a bit.  That's 1/10 of the weight that I wanted to lose all together, including the time of going back to normal diet and amped up exercise after the juice fast is over.  Really, I just don't want to have to quit before 30 days is up, but I need to be safe with my body as well.

     Calorie-wise I take in about 1600 kcals which is 400 more than I was when I was strictly monitoring my caloric intake and output.  And I am being sure to be hydrated.  I am being monitored by a doctor (as you should when you're doing anything extreme with your body) and I think I'll go see him sometime this week just to be sure (I'm shooting for Tuesday).

Okay, Morning Juice::

I'm going to be a dork and call it Smile Juice::

2 Cucumbers
1 Pear
1 Green apple
1 Yellow delicious apple

This came out to just be the color of cucumber juice.  So light it was almost like water.  I threw this in a big giant cup and took it to church with me.  This was delicious! 

I knew that the rest of my day consisted of mostly me running around and I probably wouldn't be home before bed. So I made a pitcher of Everything Juice::

(4 Servings)

2 Sweet Potatoes

3 Stalks of Celery

4 Plum Tomatoes

6 Carrots

2 Apples
1 large Grapefruit
1 Red Bell Pepper
1 Yellow Bell Pepper
1 Orange Bell Pepper
1 Cucumber

...literally almost everything I had left on my table assortment of fruits and veggies. (except what I knew I wanted for breakfast in the morning and enough to make some veggie juice tomorrow).  This gave me enough for midmorning, lunch, and dinner and then an extra to take to work tomorrow so I wouldn't have to rush around preparing anything. (Note Day One's Blog).

Today was awesome.  I fit into a size smaller jean (first time I had dared to try) without even having to do the suck it in lay on the bed and then zip charade.  On January 1st I had to do that with the bigger size jeans so that was a major plus.  I went to church and really listened to the sermon, which was a story I'd heard a million times and even seen animated as a child, with brand new ears and appreciation.  We did communion which (I am not Catholic) is not something we do too often.  I noticed that the wafer felt weird to eat and chew already.

After that I had a side job (which is weird for me on a Sunday but didn't bother me at all) and I noticed that I was having more fun than usual at it. I felt like I had more energy and that I was thinking of more problem solving ideas than usual. 

Then I went to hang out with the best friend/boyfriend and watch Animation Domination.  I felt great and it showed.  I did get pretty sleepy pretty early so I left before American Dad came on and crashed pretty early into bed (I was out at 9ish)

Working Out on The Juice

I have been doing my morning devotional of Pray Fit.  It is a great book for Christians who want to get healthier spiritually and physically.  It starts off very slow exercise-wise.  I will be teaching this class at DeMotte First Church of the Nazerine sometime in the upcoming months.

Also I am training for the IU Mini Marathon so I am doing a little more cardio and strenght training so that I will be able to run 13.1 miles on March 31, 2012. 

This is probably not the body builder's diet, but you should be exercizing.  If you're losing weight as fast as I am...You want to look like a fit person and not a skin bag that used to hold a heavy person.

An important thing to remember is to ALWAYS BE HYDRATED!  The juice is liquid, but it does not replace your 8-10 cups a day!  Post workout, you should be drinking either coconut water, or celery juice (neither of which replace your water intake either). 

Right now I am making sure to take a walk.  Normally with this little guy::

And slowly working on my running for my half marathon.  I also do yoga, pilates, and Just Dance as more fun and centering ways to get fit. 

There are also smaller things you can do to stay a little fitter::

• Take the stairs
• Park the car futher away from the store in the parking lot
• Stand at work
• Clean your home
• Play with your kiddos and pets.
• Don't allow yourself TV time without active time (ie, only while on the treadmill or doing small exercizes during commercial breaks)
• Commit to more active dates with your partner.

Pretty much:: If you've been eating poorly, I'll allow you the first couple days to let your body detox and chill a little, but after that KEEP YOUR BUTT OFF THE COUCH!!  You are going to have a ton of energy and feel great, so use this as the opportunity to rearrange your lifestyle a bit.

The Juice!

     So last year I created a blog that some people followed for all of two posts.  And then abruptly stopped.  It was about getting back into shape.  In it, I admitted to my emotional eating.  Right after that second post was published, my mom passed away very suddenly.  And it was holiday season.  The peak of the social eating coupled with some major depression.  It's been over a year and when my mom's death anniversary rolled around, I took a good hard look at myself and the belly I created.  I was now 20 pounds heavier than "Resolution 2011" posts and needed to do something about it badly.  I was careful about what I ate, exercised, made some fitness goals for myself. 
    I started to eat COMPLETELY clean at January 1st, as most do, after a New Year's Bash I couldn't not participate in. I also started exercising daily, sometimes to lengths where my friends remarked that I was crazy.  And I'd lost 8 lbs from when I started.  Good, but not great.  Every time I look at the belly on my tiny frame and feel the padding on my back and see how my clothes don't fit, I am reminded of the last year.  Sick and sad and angry.  Not like myself at all.  And I want the reminders to go away. 
     I learned in every single health class I took in college that for a person to be truly healthy, they need to be socially, emotionally, spiritually AND physically healthy.  After blocking out those in my social circle and crying way more than I've ever been used to, I thought what would really help is to get that spiritual thing in line.  My mom was a Christian and I was raised as one, but to get healthier I felt I needed help to get to the place where I respected others, respected the body I was blessed with and had both a human and a spiritual support for the emotional stuff.  I found a church and in it I found a whole congregation of amazing people.  This is me getting baptised this summer::

     So from there they started to heal me, socially, emotionally and definitely spiritually.  And I started formulating goals for myself and goals with my best friend/ boyfriend Matt.  I got a job, started paying down my debt.  Signed up for a race I've always wanted to do.  Started studying to get my personal training certification.  Everything was lining up EXCEPT my weight.  I was working my butt off (unfortunately not literally) keeping track of what went in and how many calories were going out, taking supplements that were supposed to help you burn more.  Nothing worked.  At least not as fast as it would take to make my goals this Spring. 
    So last Sunday, my pastor incorporated a documentary he'd watched into his sermon.  This film was Joe Cross's "Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead".  I love documentaries, and believe it or not, I love veggies (I've actually been a vegetarian since I was 7).  So when my dad came home two nights ago, I sat with him and watched it.  Joe Cross, an Aussie man juiced veggies and fruits only for 60 days. It not only helped him look better and feel healthier, it helped him kick a dibilitation autoimmune disease called Cronic Urticaria.   I'm not quite at the point of obesity that he was, but I'm headed that way and the doctors have told me diabetes is on the horizon. 
     He said the first days sucked.  A lot.  But when I do things (and am myself) I do them wholeheartedly and as extreme as possible, So I got out my juicer right then::

I set it up for the morning, and changed my grocery list to just fruits, veggies, and herbs.